​Mental Note to self...
Labour pains are part of the process when birthing something new...
There is not something wrong with me when I am in the depths of integrating my pain.
In order to feel it, I must go into the cocoon and honour my need to sit in the lonesome darkness, trusting the process...

The more I allow, surrender, trust and honour myself. The brighter and stronger my wings will be. Discomfort and unfamiliarity happens when the process of life begins to strip away your comfort zone. Growth comes at this cost...and to know it on a head level is very different to experiencing the pain of change. Emotional pain become physical pain, science has found that it registers in the same place in the brain.
 
Perhaps the best analogy is the gift of life itself. The pain begins with penetration and the release of the seed. The seed is  released into the womb or the soil of mother earth, nurtured by fluids to soften the walls and boundaries. In the dark, the flow of life finds it’s own rhythm. The seed is left to find the light and evolve in a process that is unique to that seed, it’s environment and the path is largely unknown. Often walls that you have created to protect your inner world need to be demolished and an opening created. The container that once kept you safe, is too small to hold the new life contained within. Being brave is not controlling the process but trusting in the unknown for the first time mother.
 
As a pregnant woman sheds her original shape to nurture this new life, there is pain, there is discomfort and shedding of identifying with the purely physical side of the process. The mother needs to trust that she is enough to be the vessel of the new life and continue to nourish herself so in the process. Patience is needed in the growth cycle whether it is embryo to baby, toddler to adult, caterpillar to butterfly.
Suffering comes when I attempt to bypass pain.
Just like a cocoon that is cut open before time...
Pain is the point of purpose, building strength and expansion.
Whilst we are wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure, pain has it’s purpose as it brings all levels of consciousness, physical, emotional and mental to the present moment to let you know that something is changing.
 I am on track...I am expanding, nothing that I love ever leaves the space of the infinite.
Physically shapes may shift and change form but energetically we are all one.
 
Don’t be afraid to mother yourself and come home to the pain. It is temporary, it has purpose and if it felt with presence, it will pass. New doors are opening and you will transmute to create the new. We either choose to feel the pain as it shows up to be healed...or we deliberate and extend our suffering.
 
This process only makes sense in hindsight. Like the joy of child birth, labour pain is accepted and the joy of new life creates an intense awareness of what we had to sacrifice to bring in the new.

Whatever it is you want to give birth to, Pure Consciousness can assist with the management of pain through the process.

 “Words are the most powerful drugs used by mankind”                                                                                 Rudyard Kipling


Every one has a story. We make sense of our experiences by creating our stories to explain our perspective and share the experience with others. These stories represent our beliefs and frame all of our future experiences. We also learn much from the stories and experiences of others.

Just how the story is retold is reflective of our feelings that are being stored as a result of the experience. Our body is always listening to our minds, neurologically, metabolically,  biochemically and physically. When the story has a positive charge it can help us build strength, happiness, connection and endeavour. Noticing the emotional charges you carry to events in the past assist in your ability to trust and manage the uncertainty of the future.

Your story is the key to understanding if your inner experience is able to
re-organise your consciousness inspiring you to grow. In contrast with retelling events from a view point of non-acceptance, wishing to restore life back to the way it was, before the point of impact. In each moment that you are telling your story, you are either building resilience or diminishing it. 

Unwanted and unexpected events happen in life. In order to continue to grow, develop and expand, we need to give ourselves permission to feel the charge behind the story. This is not about sugar coating these hard experiences. Be it absolute terror, grief or sadness, the tension has to be allowed expression to release stress, tension and pressure. The hardest part with these difficult emotions is that they come in waves to be released.

It is when we become stuck in our story and need to repeat it over and over again, we are choosing to store the emotion rather than feel it. Conscious emotion is released in seconds, however as long as the "why me?" story runs, we will keep charging our state of dis-ease and the difficult emotions that are contained within, are prevented from passing through. Anger, guilt, sadness, grief, resentment then are diluted in the moment and buried deeper and deeper into our bodily nervous systems from a conscious, to a subconscious, to a cellular level as we struggle to find the sense and the meaning in the event. Sometimes the story has to shift from "Why me" to "it is as it is..." to let it go. Letting go is the toughest part. 

If we view our emotion as water running through our systems, our plumbing becomes blocked. This has a ripple effect upon those that we love. 

These suppressed emotions erode our trust in our self as a self healing organism and weigh us down. Ironically the more we actively avoid feeling the pain of the negative emotions, the more rigid and fixed our version of the events become. Like a really bad movie, we can visit this cinema daily, countless times. Your story paints the picture in your mind and impacts your state of resourcefulness. Defence patterning then becomes hard wired in your body. It is difficult to move on from deep seated energy blockages as emotion is "energy in motion."

If we are to gain confidence and trust in our ability to support our self and deal with change, time is needed to reflect on the patterns and cycles of events in our lives. When we become willing to be present with the underlying emotions and feel them. We step out of the pattern and reveal the part of our soul/infinite self that cannot be broken. We are never presented with a new opportunity without an opportunity cost.  Our evolution depends on our ability to cope with  the uncertainty and unpredictability of life.

If you are consciously choosing to numb your emotions through distractions chasing peak experience after peak experience, then your frustrations will nourish your addictions and feelings of inadequacy. Decisions that may feel good in the moment can short circuit our pain for self preservation in the short term. These decisions are the quick fix and they vary from excessive screen time, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, gaming, compulsively working and over doing for others. The dialogue that supports this behaviour is "I'll be happy when..." keeping the inner experience of discontent in place. Unfortunately we are hard wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure so this experience is more the norm and the rule  in  our society. It literally feels like you are running around in circles unable to stop.

If your inner experience is out of balance with your outer purpose, it may be time to get to know yourself a little bit better. To harness your own inner wisdom and allow these challenges to be transformed into strengths. Your body is very wise and it will provide the clues when you need to slow down.

When we are the victim, we blame and want someone else to be responsible for the way we are feeling. We expect they will change, so we won't have to.  However negative emotions can be the biggest motivation for positive change. We are the only ones that can attempt this kind of transformation, turning base metals into gold. 

There is a time for everything. Life is a continuous spiral of rest and motion...however it is a spiral going somewhere. To know how to self-regulate through these valley's are the keys to fully experiencing the next big high.

Pure Consciousness is an alternative path. It requires that we own our feelings. We take responsibility for our story and our inner experience of it. We connect to the charges and learn to release it. Re-organising our consciousness around difficult events from our core, heart and brain requires the courage to fully feel. When the story is released, so is the defence patterning in the body and a new level of love and light is illuminated for you to awaken to the absolute miracle of life that you are, that sits waiting to be remembered. 

Pure Consciousness Meditations is the gift you give yourself. It is time for you to deepen your trust and your connection to the inner wise one?  Learn to turn down the volume of your story, so that you can break free of old patterns and find new energy to revitalise your love of life. Release the story and you are set free, as the infinite self cannot be explained in words.  All in life is connected, the work you do for you, impacts the whole. 

One week can change a lot...I have just returned from an adventure to Bali where I rediscovered the power and reputation of Kundalini energy...and ELIYAH's beautiful interpretation of the mysterious definition of Tantra.

Taken out of the original context, there is a huge misconception in the west that Tantra is only about sex...Why? because sex sells...Tantra actually evolved from an ancient Indian doctrine written between the 7th and 17th Century prescribing the necessary groundwork and rituals to weave the fabric of an authentic life.  "Tan"- means to stretch and "Tra": means the instrument of yourself. Tantra is the practice of getting to know the power within your whole self. To develop a healthy relationship between your inner masculine and inner feminine and relate it to the essence of your being in loving union, as "one".


I told myself, by the grace of God I am ready for change. I want to let love in, I want to learn and I want to transmute the patterns of my parents, my ancestors, my lineage.I was well aware that before I could relearn to love another, I had to learn to love myself.

I have been on my own for the past seven years as I could only relate to intimate relationships as something that caused pain. My parents bitter divorce had scarred me but these scars had hardened with the pain of my husbands motorbike accident, his paralysis and then sudden death in 2009. Watching my Godson/nephew's painful demise to Mitachondrial Disease and my mothers 3 aneurysms and a stroke within the last year...had made me fearful of deep living, loving connection as it just hurt so damn much...I didn't want to repeat these patterns of dysfunction. I needed to rest, regroup, revitalise and renew. Gain new insights to make meaning from the painful experiences of the last 9 year cycle of my life.

We unconsciously fear our own dark natures. We know there will be pain in their excavation and so sadly avoidance allows the inherent patterns of unhealthy reactions to continue. That is until we decide we are worthy, to follow the signs and the feedback from our environment that something needs to change. It is then that our teachers appear.

I sort to understand my own darkness and address the fear of having to relate to one more person in my life. I had never sort to be rescued...I instead chose to not be in my feminine, despite being an emotional person, I meditated so that I would not be vulnerable, so that I could be aware of my unhealthy inner dialogue and move beyond. However within I was extremely vulnerable to that critic that shouted in my thinking mind, to go faster, harder, stronger.

I am passionate about being a loving mum, stoic and strong. I had actually wondered why my desire to be united with another was non existent..My heart was open to be the best I could be but I had to be strong for my girls as well as myself. I didn't want one more person's feelings to manage as I had felt the deep repercussions of pushing down my own. I was innately aware that I carried a strong masculine shield. I just didn't know how to let it go. Yet I intuitively knew, you do not attract the fantasy you want, you attract that which you are yourself.

Pushing emotions down takes a lot of energy. Whilst I exercised and meditated, I had been to grief counselling and a psychologist, done numerous personal development courses, still I could not reach into the depths, that this pain had been buried. Being a single mum in this modern time, requires one to be the provider, the protector, the guardian. 

Little did I know that this was not only my strength but my shadow. My guardian is a relentless critic who who protects my Divine Feminine. My feminine had been deeply wounded. 

Deep inside of me buried under the unvoiced screams, was a frightened little girl still in shock.

Whilst I had circulated through the cycles of grief over the last seven years as an adult. I was in self preservation for the first four years determined to be the best I could be for my children who were only 5 and 7 years old at the time. I blamed myself, as I had sent my beautiful girls to wake their daddy up that fateful morning. They had found their father curled in a pool of blood congealed that had caked at the nose. I was working out on the exercise bike and sent my oldest daughter down to wake her father.

Silently I had pushed down the guilt and trauma of sending my daughters over and over to wake up their father that fateful morning. Why had I not protected them from this horrific vision?


"Mummy, Daddy won't wake up?"
​ bike determined to finish my morning 30minute regime before heading to work, I thoughtlessly sent my eledest downstairs again to wake her Dad. When my baby returned unsuccessfully, I sent down my five year old. 

"Mummy I can't wake Daddy up! His nose is all bloody"

When I finally got off autopilot and ran downstairs, I screamed all the way to the front door after seeing my husbands bloody head. 

This deep guttural scream surfaced again in some personal development work two years later. Only to be shut down by the facilitator. You see you can only hold space, for what you, yourself, have managed to transmute...so I very quickly learnt in order to be accepted, I needed to bury the pain and the trauma. Mentally I had found the gift in the situation but my pain had been consciously and subconsciously buried deep into my cellular core. I also felt deep shame at being unable to let the pain out and fear at what would happen when it did. It took me four years after my husband's death to feel the anger at these events.

This practitioner week allowed me to choose with awareness what I was willing to experience. The gift of my guardian was that she had the strength and courage to do something completely different to change state, to understand and to grow. However the guardian had to surrender, if my little girl was going to reveal the depths of trauma to be released,

This practitioner course helped me reconnect with my inner child who lovingly holds the purest essence of all I truly am. 

This practice is not a mental one, though it requires conscious commitment...it is a practice of movement, sound and breath. It is a practice that I am utilising day and night and it's done with total love for the endurance and stamina I have employed to move through unwanted and unexpected events.

In my experience of dealing with trauma, death and addiction we have become inanimate. We do not have any real tools to embody our experiences and prefer to numb our painful experiences of life.

Our numbing choices are vast and varied, from excessive screen time, consumption of sugar, food, alcohol, drugs, caffeine, retail therapy. These peak experiences delay the pain and bury it deeper.

I am consciously committed to become bitter not better. I am now even more empowered with the fire of kundalini in my belly and the gift of tantra in my practice in my self healing. This energy is powerful and pure. It works with both your masculine and feminine energy to release trauma, discover the gifts of your shadow and facilitates self nourishment in ways that nurture deeply the essence of your being.

It has inspired me to new heights to be of service and in love within the core of my being.

Please contact me should you wish to connect and find out more.
Namaste
​Sorelle

"It's not what happens to you,
It's what you do before it, during it and after it."
Alan Weiss

​Moments in time, they can be so fleeting and yet so life changing.

It was Friday afternoon and nearing dinner time. Dinner was being prepared with the smell of onions being caramelised on the stove and I was multi-tasking looking forward to having my husband home for dinner.
The phone rang and it was someone from Joondalup Hospital.

"Hello Sorelle speaking.."
"Sorelle Miller, I am calling to tell you that you need to come to Joondalup Hospital as soon as possible."
"Is everything ok?" My heart raced at one thousand miles an hour...stay present, stay present, stay present..." replaying over and over quietly at the back of my mind...
" We need you to come to the hospital as soon as you can, we have your husband Craig Miller here needing medical attention."
"Can I ask what's happened?'
"Your husband has been involved in a motorbike accident and has been brought here from Barbagello Raceway."

Me being me, my first response was to call mum...to look after the kids...As I waited for her to arrive, I pulled an angel card. Archangel Micheal and Forgiveness.'
Be strong and forgive I thought, but what do I need to forgive anyone for?
Friday night peak hour was not much fun for the long trek between south and north of the river. All the way to the hospital I kept repeating in my head..."I trust the process of life..." over and over again. I looked out the car window to wonder what the other drivers stuck in peak hour were going home to...I'd rather imagine what their life had installed than to fast forward my own.

It was only when I saw my husband laying drugged to the eyeballs with morphine in the emergency department did it start to click.

"Darling, I've had the BEST DAY!"
he crooned...more than once.
'Darling today I did my best lap times".
..and here he was lying with gravel in his eyes, full leathers and smiling at me...so, so, happy.
Little did he know how he had changed our whole life in the split of an instant...

The smell of the hospital disinfectant made me feel sick...it was surreal taking it all in and then the doctor ushered me to the X-ray screen. Our life had changed for ever...smashed in a thousand smithereens was the remnants of his spine...T6 and T7 in hundreds of tiny fragments, C3 fractured. Both lungs punctured and a slow leak into his heart which would only be discovered a few days later...But I found a quiet space in my heart that could smile at my beloved, tell him that I was glad he had made it through alive and whilst I secretly suspected the road ahead was steep, I knew this had been placed in our life for a much bigger purpose than I could see. My being was radiant with trust...My belief system strong that we could overcome whatever the odds were against us...I still had Craig alive, here, now.

This was to be a new frontier for Craig and I...Everything in his chest cavity had born the brunt of a motorbike that had bounced off the tyre barrier and landed on his chest, as he lost control on the last lap of the day.
A week after the V8 Supercars had raced on the track.

Timing impeccable, as we were to celebrate our 9th Wedding Anniversary that night.

Still I managed to manage those micro moments. I wept tears of sadness and laughter as my brother in law walked in, pissed to the eyeballs after being a wine tasting judge, at a function that night. He had caught a taxi to Royal Perth Hospital and we both waited nervously, only to be told that they could not operate for a fortnight...
The spine and chest too badly damaged for anything to be cut open...

And so it unfolded, one emergency after another. I put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time.
You never really know your true metal until it's tested. I was living a nightmare I couldn't escape. I had two young children and the man I loved was so positive, despite all the pain and I had to keep moving forward. Moment by precious moment.


We all have these moments in life. There are the 'aha" moments, the "don't give a shit" moments, the "lucky to be alive" moments, the 'this really sucks" moments. However what I have learnt is that no matter how big the challenge, when you can witness the loving support in these moments, it moves you beyond the pain into the true depth of the human experience. To feel that moment cleanly, to be open to it. Means you don't have to go back and feel it again. Your heart guides you. When you do have a moment, a private moment of sheer grief, there is another moment of sheer relief, consciousness is constantly and wondrously changing. It's when we delay the pain and have not really allowed ourselves to fully feel it and let it pass, that we relive it over and over and over again. It's when we cling to the idea that "this was not meant to happen to me" that we resist the what is and we suffer. Change has already happened.

We live in a world where we are sold an illusion...we think that we have control, yet all of it can change in a moment...a micro moment can fully consume us. Ironicallly it also has the power in that micro moment of impact to create us, transform us and renew us. If we could just be fully true to the moment, stop fighting the moment and trust there is a bigger picture we cannot see.
Truth is, we may never experience that transformation if we stay in our world of hidden expectations. Each new moment is a chance to start afresh. When you are being tested to the limits, something needs to be felt, expressed and unravelled. It is okay to scream, it is okay to feel...this moment will not last and you will pave the way for the new by pouring out all of the old.

Yet too often feeling is seen as weakness. Life demands that we learn to feel the good as well as the bad. That we learn to process our fate.
That we learn to create from not just consume the pain. Expression is the key...through sound, movement and breath there is a way forward.

​ Life is continuously changing, our emotions have meaning and feelings need to be felt and acknowledged.
This is one path of true transformation.
We also learn through our expression, the golden elixir of brotherhood and sisterhood that have our back and share our pain ,making it possible to start again.
Gratitude for these moments of raw vulnerability, that allow us to reach out beyond what is comfortable and be heard, perhaps the biggest gift of all in these moments of extreme pain. These loved ones become like shining stars, when the sun has set and the darkness sets in,as they encourage us to never underestimate the power within.

You can feel and you will survive...having the courage to be honest with yourself will give you the edge to ultimately thrive. This is not about being the victim, this is about being real. This is about all involved having the courage to be real and feel.

I racked up a $1200 phone bill that month..in this process but the the support I received was priceless, as I chose to focus on what was working and did not sugar coat what I could not control...This is what I mean by pure intent. I chose my words carefully and I considered the impact of these words on my loved ones....
​
Pure intent, pure gratitude and pure love, have a way to move us forward with grace.
It is all a choice and through each heart felt choice, we learn and we teach.
​ Life is a constant cycle of change.